Getting Beyond Pain: Seeing the patterns of your relationships.

Jan 14, 2022

Listening to Relationships

Do you want better, more satisfying relationships?

Of course!

After all, you’re in a relationship with everything around you. 

And that includes your relationship with yourself.

When they’re good, it’s so good.

But it’s not always so.

Resistances, aches and pains around your life (maybe in your body, or maybe elsewhere)…those are all clues, it’s all telling you something.

Sometimes it takes a little detective work to get to the source of these hard feelings.

But it’s worth it.

Okay, so what are your relationships telling you?


What’s at Hand?

With clients, I suggest beginning with a look around you.

Sometimes it requires stepping away and coming back with a fresh perspective.

So do that – maybe take a little trip somewhere, or have a good visit with a friend. 

Then return to life.

How do you feel when you walk into your house? Your office? Your bedroom?

What's your sense? I’m talking about the unspoken. 

Maybe you feel some way for no apparent reason.

  • Do you sense resistance?
  • Do you feel pain?
  • Do you feel checked out?
  • Do you feel grateful?

Each feeling raises the question of ‘what does that mean?’


Doing the Work

In one of my books I recommend journal exercises for this stage of things. 

Exercises that generate reflections on feelings and situations really help open your eyes to your life.

Journaling provides an explanation.

What is no longer working for you? What would work better for you now?

Maybe you’re saying to yourself, "yes, when I walk into my house for some reason I only want to watch Netflix or scroll through my social media."

If you're wanting to distract yourself, that's a form of denial and defending against what you could look at regarding your mental health.

So look at it. 


What’s Under the Resistance? 

It could be some kind of energy, and you're breathing it in. 

It's like mold, and toxic. And you still may not be noticing it!

Or maybe you've felt something very consciously.

  • Are you depressed?
  • Are you anxious?
  • Are you feeling neglectful and irresponsible?

Write it down.


Look in the Reflection

What are your relationships reflecting back to you?

That's info that will teach you so much about your well-being.

When I give suggestions like these it’s only fair I add a disclaimer: 


It takes great courage to face yourself. 

Facing the pain isn’t easy.

But even if you're in pain, there's a solution available. The pain isn't the ultimate reality.

And denying only fuels this brokenness. Facing it frees you to expand!

Choose expansion.

Choose you!


Looking to deepen your relationships even more, RiseUp & ROAR® Real Relationships may be an experience worth exploring.

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