Get what you want in a relationship

Jan 28, 2022

So You Desire a Relationship…

Got a question for you: 

Are relationships supposed to be difficult?

Can they be easy? Tranquil? Pleasant? Even FUN?

Well, my dear, that depends on you.

Are you difficult?

Are you easy? 

Do you pretend to be simple when you really want something complicated?


Relationship Is a Dance

You may intellectually know some dance moves.

Maybe you like watching Dancing With the Stars! Maybe you danced when you were little, and you remember some of your moves.

But let us agree:

It's a whole different thing when you dance with a partner.

I know you get that.

And some partners are easier than others! 

The easiest, most agreeable and socially skilled person on earth, though, still won’t always work for you.

What works for you sometimes won’t work for them, and vice versa.

So how can we do this?

How to do relationships so it’s supportive and fun?


Get Into Allowance!

You know what helps?

Being curious.

Instead of focusing on the issues - the toilet seat, the chewing with the mouth open - say the following.

“I’m curious about that.”

And really mean it.

This is your partner, you know!

Curious makes it easy.

“I’m curious why you leave the top off the toothpaste.”

“I’m curious why you want to talk right after I finish work.”

“I’m curious why you won’t meditate with me in the morning.”

Or whatever it is!


But It’s Frustrating!

Frustrations? I get it.

They won’t listen.

They seem to pay you so little attention.

For a good relationship, turn it around. 

Harbor curiosity about your partner, and practice.


Curiosity rewards relationships.


Expand Your Relationship

Curiosity welcomes the bigger ambitions of relationships

What is possible in the relationship? 

Don’t you want to engage with your partner, and create new possibilities?

Get to know them.

Get to realize new things you can do together.

See for the first time what you can do to support each other!

For that, you have to keep the small stuff out of the way. Don't entertain the problem. Instead, get curious!

Another big question to guide relationships: 

Are you being your mother or your father?

My mom? Always trying to control.

My dad? Always trying to slip out of her control.

They weren't in acceptance, curiosity, ease, none of that.

They weren't in allowance.

And it's a shame they didn't get the possibilities that lay in front of them.

Mom and dad: a runner and a chaser.


Love That’s Bigger Than Your Ego

Curiosity pulls you out of the ego, pulls you away from the old problems.

Get more into allowance, ask questions, let everything go…and watch what happens.


Last But Not Least

You know, there is a permanence inside all of us.

There’s something that just can't be tuned out.

It can’t be negotiated away, set aside, forgotten.

It just can’t.

And we'll talk about that another time, possibly on the next episode of Raw & Real with Dr. Lisa

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