Why do we self-abuse?

Mar 30, 2021

It’s a pain to which we keep turning.

The strangest thing about abuse is that we don’t walk away from it.

It’s a pain to which we keep turning.

Years after abuse happens - even decades - it reappears in veiled form.

I’ll give you an example. People often ask me, “why do I abuse myself?” Part of me wants to say, “Yeah! It’s the craziest thing!” But this is the long lifespan of abuse. I speak from experience here, of course.

I thrive beyond my own abuse now, but it wasn’t always that way. I spent decades perpetrating abuse I once received, in my body, in my business, in my spirit.

Family members once criticized my physical appearance, hit me, yelled. Later I had a fundamental belief in my own wrongness, my own badness, the personality of “I am damaged goods.”


The Afterlife of Abuse

Those feelings were a vibration out into the world, attracting the same abusive circumstances and people back into my life, again and again and again.

I attracted a cold, painful romantic relationship - and I stayed because I didn’t know nor believed I deserved more.

I acted on fear-based ideas about money, ideas that impoverished me and my business - I simply didn’t believe I deserved prosperity, nor ease. And I created wrongness physically - through illness and obesity and mental obsession - because I believed I was certainly not beautiful, not good, and not valuable.


The Cruel Joke of Abuse

Here’s the cruel twist of abuse. Beliefs like these had nothing to do with me!

These beliefs were born in flashes, in vanishing moments when someone lashed out from their own pain. I just happened to be the one at hand, so I received the lash. I was nothing but a container for the hard feelings they acted out. And so I contained them, for years. It’s like a ship weighed down by an anchor.

I didn’t even know the difference.


Admitting It

When you don’t face what was and acknowledge what it was, even something as old as childhood abuse, or as new as gaslighting in your relationship, you run the risk of the abuse personality inhabiting your body and your being.

The starting point of a different life is choosing and acknowledging it: collaborating and changing it, and following what that creates for you. It will move you forward from what no longer fits you and actually never did.

Do you sometimes notice old ideas that weigh you down? Do you wonder if something else is possible? Do you see something better in the lives of others, and wonder if you could have it too?

Don’t let old abuse stay a part of your life now. It’s time to face it. BREAK FREE AND SPREAD YOUR WINGS OF CHANGE AND CHOICE.

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